| the move on song (or I love you) |
[Feb. 9th, 2010........02:35 pm] |
i spin my roses on quarter glances
in paper walls through tiny little holes
my eyes wanna make you out
through the dark little clouds
a little more trying
i think would/could/maybe do
i got a ripe red strawberry heart
because its mid winter
rememory tick tack toed on my brain cushion
tiny drawings like skull bears with messages scrawled
hai dewd i love you
and
i love you too
and so on
its a shame about fucking things up
its a shame about crying faces dry
its a sham ripe red strawberry heart piled up in piles missing you tips over
goes
crash
bang
etc
its pittyful
and awful
and beautiful
and it feels like a hollow room
with thick thick water pressing in on my i wanna let it go but not until i try one more time's
but i can't build up the nerve
to ask you
if you wanna
give it one last go /try/effort/etc
or whatever
because i've got this funny thing called fear puttin duct tape over my mouth/heart/wutever
writing on it in brand new sharpie pen:
you might not wanna,
in case it's rejection,
cause then you just might have ta
start with the fingers pressing
over wounds
all over
again.
its stupid.
but i feel it
daily.
i feel it.
its a deep breath that doesn't go anywhere when i breathe out
gigantic strawberry filled with sand pressing in on my chest
taunting me
to just
move
on |
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| anthem |
[Dec. 3rd, 2009........11:24 pm] |
|
i think i wanna give away a million bucks |
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| apple green ice cream |
[Nov. 29th, 2009........12:08 pm] |
the worst of me is a friend of mine
as I stack up the times i'll say I'm sorry or try a lil harder
i don't wanna forget to see the broken things
i pile up in my mirrors to see behind me
i wanna play catch up i wanna see my mind is made up I wanna be
around a bit longer
but i gotta remember
the worst of me is a friend of mine
and i gotta look to the eyes of him and i gotta measure the spine of him
and i gotta try and smash blood oranges on the walls around him
ripe red strawberry heart
apple green ice cream melting in my hand
patience
it aint easy
and little quiet wispering i love u
all missed cause i wasnt listening
gonna stop regretting
never gonna stop trying
never gonna stop being
some times the worst of me and
a friend of mine
days grow long
and my smiles recognize the weather
and start coming around
about time |
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| might as well |
[Nov. 17th, 2009........03:12 pm] |
array of light-trons bouncing on boxes of black plastic
is getting old
set foot on next steps
for a real and actual thing
on my shoulders
it were getting quite heavy |
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| damagre |
[Nov. 12th, 2009........09:47 pm] |
my face is heavy with a mask
sinus problems
and being sentimental as well
saying bye bye to learn how to say hello again
or something
booo |
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| fall |
[Oct. 30th, 2009........11:50 am] |
window waiting its raining i'm feeling better by the moment
trying to lift a memory from my rest. i wanna hug ur demons.
and make them upside down |
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| london |
[Apr. 4th, 2009........06:17 pm] |
i accidentally bought a ticket for a jay branan concert at bush hall that's may 11th
i thought it was april 11th
i'll be gone
i saw two people walking together im pretty sure they were a couple of some sort
the boy walked slowly behind her
she was angry he was hurting
if they brushed so much as elbows i could imagine an erruption
it made me cry a lil bit - probably bc I projected my own past experience onto that thick moment
maybe not even their experience -
a lady named charlie - most beautiful smile i've ever seen in my life
so funny - playful - shining eyes - first jokes i've heard since last week
she got me into some parties - some screenings - nice lady
i'm smiling right now just thinkin bout her
skater kids under the bridge
ferral family against amazingly tagged and painted walls that everyone takes pictures of
little kid kept trying to do tricks but kept messing up to a background of tourist shimmering "oh, how cute"
read an article that quoted me "my films are about connection, the overwhelming, intrinsic desire for humans to find connection". haha, i laughed when I read back the print...hollow words riccocheting off the hollow parts of my insides that are empty...longing for connection. lol. my films really are my prozac. i lonely alot. i try not to think about it.
and so on. |
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